This is a time of year where questions of belonging can often arise. When we think of belonging it’s often thought about in terms of our families, our community, our culture. Do I fit in? Am I accepted for who I am? Who is my tribe? Often at this time of year we might feel as if we don’t belong, that we have nowhere to go where we feel this feeling of acceptance, where we feel seen. But belonging is not just a noun, belonging is also a verb – a state of being, an action.
To long for something is to have a strong desire, especially for something unattainable. A feeling of wanting something or someone so much. In the word belong the prefix be intensifies the meaning of the word long – as in an intense longing. So maybe belonging is not just something to wait for. Perhaps belonging is something that we need to express – a feeling state rather than something to obtain.
What would our world be like if instead of looking for signs that we belong, we instead felt a longing? Stephen Jenkinson says that in this way it is possible to long for something even when we hold it in our hands – even while we are experiencing it. This intense longing – belonging – expresses a deep gratitude and appreciation for the gifts we receive – the gift of relationships, the gift of nourishment, the many gifts from the earth, the sun, all life.
Lately I have been trying to practice this belonging, this intense longing, as a form of gratitude and presence. I find that when I am able to be present to my longing that I have a greater appreciation for the gift or the moment that occurring. I felt this longing last week as I visited my son in Vancouver. As we talked, catching up on each others lives, I felt simultaneously a deep gratitude for the moment combined with the knowledge that our relationship had changed – a loss or longing. I knew that at the end of the evening I would be saying goodbye – me returning to my home, Kai returning to his.
Holding the gift and the loss at the same time – belonging – increases the gift. Belonging sharpens my focus, and my appreciation for the gift of each moment. Knowing that it will end, I feel a deep love for the preciousness of the connection and the time shared, however long it may last. Imagine if each moment could be lived with this sense of belonging. Perhaps we would no longer wait for proof that we belonged, perhaps we would simply belong.